OMG!! An Act of God

Writing blog after so many days feels really goodJ. Frankly speaking I did not simply have a topic to write on. So well today I really got a topic. And the topic is ACT OF GOD, err actually it is the movie “OH MY GOD”. Holy shit!! What a movie…!! Really I have hardly seen such a great movie recently (except “kahani” and a few like that).

I watched it today for the 1^st time and I have already seen it twice. Though the concept is a copy paste of an Aussie movie “The man who sued God”, in my opinion it’s way better than the original version. Actually I think in no other country except India one can find so many bullshitting around God every day. May be that’s why it is much more relevant in India.

The movie is starring Paresh Rawal and Akshay Kumar in main role and directed by Umesh Shukla. Direction was really good and both the actors were superb, especially Paresh Rawal deserves lots of applauds.

In this movie Paresh Rawal named as Kanji Bhai, a Guajarati Businessman (whose business is with God actually), is a hard core atheist and does not give a damn to all the rituals, the eternal PAAP-PUNYA and all. He drinks wine while on a pilgrimage, does not believe in fasting for God and on and on.

And finally he was stuck by “An act of God” (you will see when you watch the movie; I will not reveal it right now) and the poor Kanji Bhai was not paid by the Insurance company though he deposited the premium money timely. And so finally it made him sue God cause the situation he was going through was created by God (as per the Insurance company). Of course in India, where Godhra, Mumbai and recent Assam Riots are very common, this case was a very brave and difficult step to take. Only a hard core NAASTIK could take it. And so did Kanji Bhai. Of course this step was very soon followed by all the religious, social and political monarchy started by the hypocrites of society. All the religious gurus (if only they can be called as GURU) came together with all their powers- political power, show off power, hunger strike power and all. But none showed the power of BHAKTI.

Well soon Kanji Bhai was getting crashed and doomed by the social goons. His house was looted. Even a murder attempt was made. But who can kill a man who is saved by the lord himself? Lord Vishnu, the lord of the lords. came to Kanji Bhai’s rescue finally. He changed the poor man’s view, awaken him, showed him right path. Made him read all the religious books, made him know the reality of religions, made him believe that the religions are for good and what we do is actually “Bullshitting with it”. And finally the court accepted the case and not only accepted it gave judgment for Kanji Bhai and made “God” pay for Kanji Bhai’s loss. Not only kanji Bhai, God paid to all the people who was with Kanji Bhai a huge amount of money to recover from their loss.

But soon Kanji realized that the society started business with Kanji Bhai himself. They “sold” him, worshiped him and tried to make him pay with his life for the “loss of the God”. And again he was saved by the lord “Krishna Vasudev Yadav from Gokul”.

The character of lord Vishnu is very nicely played by our very own Akki. His voice added to the character. His get up was very simple, to indicate the modernized look of Lord Krishna (yeah, even God is needed to be modernized these days, may be otherwise public won’t go for it). Really the pair of Akki and Paresh Rawal is a real treat to the audience. The songs were also quite good; especially the song “Mera Nishaan” was too good (I got to download it). And special thanks to Kailash Kher for superbly singing the song.

Well finally what more can I really say about a movie like this? I’m not a movie critic, but what I felt from heart I told. And truly I appreciate this move by the director and producer. It was really a hard step in Bollywood, as hard as it was for Kanji Bhai to sue God. And  am glad that religious fanatics dint ban this movie. Thank you! Oh My God. J

India is a developing country...someone somewhere is always developing something

In the geography class when teacher used to tell, “India is a developing country,” for a moment I was confused, what a developing country I asked. She fumbled with her saree and explained comething that was nowhere close to the answer very confidently.

Still however, I never understood the meaning of the sentence and that was the B.W era, AKA BEFORE WIKIPEDIA in fact it was Before Internet era, so there was no one other than school textbook who could give me this information. I remember walking sadly home, that why my country is still developing country when it dawned on me. It occurred to me when I was walking home one day from school and I fell in a ditch dig on the road. I could have sworn that the ditch did not exist 15 minutes before, no one believed me.

However it dawned me inside the ditch that, India is a developing country because someone somewhere is always developing something. It was uncanny. The street outside my house was dug open 17 times in 4 months, yes I kept count. It was never the same person, 1st it was the electricity department, then it was the telephone department, then it was someone else who had no idea why he was digging it. After some days I figured it out. There was a hidden treasure buried somewhere nearby and so when at the night the workers left for the day, I entered the trench to check out if my guess was correct, but apart from layers and layers of mud found none.

There are some places which are dug up in your routes. During my college days, I used to travel via local bus. On the way there was always a young energetic man who I guess always loved running after the bus to catch it. He had no name, at least I never asked him. But he was always there to board the bus at BARC stop. That day also he was running after the bus hoping to catch it or may be doing a race with it. As he drew closer to the gate of the bus, something suddenly happened before my eyes. Well there was some construction work going on the read and he couldn’t control his running, wham, crash and BANG. The man fell into the bug ditch that was dug on the road. So his routine was shaken by the incident, so were his nerves.

India is a developing country, if you observe the political manifesto of the local member of parliament. They are always filled with construction work. They also more construction work if you promise to vote them, indicating that they are DEVELOPING THIS COUNTRY (:D).

Bridges are being constructed everywhere and the time taken to build a bridge is same as the time taken for election ( but we will have this topic some other day). Constructions are now part and parcel of Indian life. One fine winter morning you are rushing office thinking of all good things you are going to explain in meeting, when a big board on the road tells you to take a ‘DETOUR’. A ride of 5 minutes becomes one of 15 minutes.

The new wave of smart phones has taken the chair of weapons of mass distraction on the street. In a group of 3 people walking, I of them is on call, the other one playing with the phone and the third one is simply wondering why he is with the two. One advantage of these trenches are people now pay attention on street rather in the phone.

Said my friend, the iPhone addict, “It was horrible man… too horrible of an experience. While walking towards your house I was too busy tweeting when I fell into the dug trench outside your gate. For a moment I thought… for a moment I thought…”

Poor guy, I said to myself, I had named the trench Krrish 2 years back, now this was Krrish part 4 (yes, I name trenches, we all got bored sometimes, don’t we? ) the poor guy was traumatized by the incident.

“Horrible horrible experience…, ”he said , “ For a moment I thought, my iPhone will shatter into pieces.”

He said hugging the iPhone tightly, “ If only they make an app about warning people of the dug up trenches.”

“They did it LONG BACK dude, it’s called EYES and it is installed in YOUR HEAD. What were you tweeting about anyways?”

“I was tweeting about the 4th anniversary of the trench…” he added sadly.

But then again, India is a developing country, people are developing every inch of it. One day it is a village, the next a day a fully dug out city full of trenches. We are just 60 years old and it’s not easy developing such a large country overnight. Whatever Romans will say, INDIA CAN NOT BE BUILD IN A DAY. Can it??

The Tragedy of Sleeping Beauty :P

Once upon a time, in a land far far away (a land which had no visa for pretty princess, you see, so Cinderella, Snow White and many more princess lived there) lived slept a beautiful princess, called...err...urm... the sleeping beauty. So one day, her sleeping pills wore off, and she suddenly woke up from her deep slumber.

She quickly logged on to PreetyFakeBook.com and found that all her friends from school days where in a relationship. 

Worried about she would die alone, single, she pinged Cinderella about her relationship.

"How did you get prince charming?" inquired the sleeping beauty.

"Oh its simple," Cinderella, then told her about her deception of gate crashing the princes grand ball in which she was not at all invited. Then she informed to mysteriously escape from the dance leaving the prince excited high and dry. Thus in a nutshell, he comes hunting for you.

"Oh it is," Sleeping beauty said and decided to try it on. She quickly dressed amazing and gate crashed a princes ball (since the land had free visa, there was no limit for prince grand ball, they happened every day) but far from noticing her, the prince simply was busy playing kingdomVille on his iPrince and distressed she decided to go back to sleep.

On the way she met Snow White, who was busy painting the night sky. 

"Hello there..." said the Sleeping beauty, "I see that engagement ring on your fingers. How are you?"

"I am fine," beamed Snow white flashing that ring.

She told her about the story and explained to her that the key to finding the good man is to live with 7 men and then dump them for the eight one who rescues you from them.

Sleeping beauty considered that idea for a while, then realized Snow White was top in the Physical Education class and also had joined weekend karate lessons, while she was simply...well.. sleeping. Living with 7 men and still staying a virgin for 8th was not her cup of tea. 

Sad that she would die alone, she walked past Rapunzels tower, who was sitting on the top most window. She immediately called her and asked her the secret to get a handsome prince. Rapunzel giggled from the tower, and send a 'Dhotiranjan Varadahastam Kesh Kala' oil, the secret behind long hair. 

Happy that finally she can do something, Sleeping beauty returned to her tower to try the new shampoo. When she returned she found the door ajar, cautiously, she stepped in, worried that she might find 7 little men in there, she found a note on her bed.

'Was here to ask you out, seems you already are engaged somewhere else. - Prince Charming.'

P.s. If you use Nokia, Sid-O-Scope is now a free mobile app to download from OVI Store. Just search for 'Sidoscope' in your OVI Store. You can read the entire blog on your phone, anywhere, anytime with real time updates.

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Reserve that Place for me Please

The day began just like any other, the coffee maker hooted making strange noise proving its existence. I turned up the morning edition of news, to check if any scandal is on that day just like always. Witnessed the poetic irony of Japan I felt sad as well as a little nice, we are finally learning we cannot control things. Japan will be a reminder to entire mankind that we cannot control things beyond a certain level, what ensures is total chaos.

Just as always, when I was thinking about chaos, a chaos was heard on the stairs. No wonder the torpedo hit me not physically but mentally as he entered my room.

'This is bullshit,' he said, wasting entire energy on a certain word directly crashed in front of me.

'Coffee?' I politely offered him some.

'Didn't you listen?' he asked, not understanding my gesture that I don't care, 'They now are reserving some places for the Jats too.'

'Congratulations,' I replied turning back to my coffee. The aroma was intoxicating.

'This is totally unfair,' he shouted, 'We should get reservation too...'

Understanding that the discussion was unavoidable I had to answer him, 'I don't think it is unfair, it is fair to the core. The people are backward, dumb and un-progressed they do need reservation.'

'So do my people... we are also backward, dumb... wait what?' he looked at me, finally realizing the hit, 'How dare you call us dumb?'

'I am not calling you dumb, you yourself are calling it aren't you?' I asked sipping the coffee.

'No I am not,' he replied, 'All I am saying is I should get reservation otherwise the people in my community cannot study higher education,' he said.

'So in short, people in your community are so dumb they need reserved seats for them in higher studies,' I emphasized my understand.

'Don't you dare speak so about my community, we have doctors and engineers in our community...' he argued.

'Then, you people are forward and do not need a reservation...' he said.

'No...but...' he froze for a moment and I finally saw a silver lining in the distant, finally I can enjoy my coffee, 'But you people tormented us for 2000 years.'

'No we didn't,' I replied, 'No one tormented you for 2000 years. The people who were tormented are dead and so are the people who tormented them. If we are talking a revenge for the people who lived by, you owe me a hundred thousands.'

'What?' he asked.

'Your great grandfather was my great grand fathers slave as you are saying, he has been absconding since many years from his service. In your own logic if I apply modern laws to ancient things... you are liable to pay me for the services he or his kin missed.'

'You kidding right?' he asked.

'Do I look like I am kidding?' I asked politely waiting for him to remove the cheque book.

'You are a beep beep...' he said loudly and stormed out of the room.

I simply took in the deep aroma of the beautiful coffee in my hand.

Uncertainty is on the rise, as uncertain as I was to choose weather brown band or black band will suit better on maroon dress of mine, he stepped in asking which political side I choose.

'IPL cannot happen without Modi,' he announced without bothering to ask if I am interested in his talk or no.

'IPL is a game right? Who cares about Modi?' I replied, obviously proving my lack of knowledge for the gentlemen game played in the same model as selling gigolos in Chandni Bar.

'You hate him don't you? You hate congress too for what they are doing to the country?' he asked.

'What was the good thing they did in the last few years, apart from maybe bigger, better and sophisticated scams. Not to mention robbing the world on international level?'

'Kalmadi is not a fraud OK, he is framed. You and your BJP will never understand...'

'But who said I support BJP?' I asked, confused.

'Then who do you support?' he asked, 'I know you do not support the Congress...'

'Why should I support either of the two?' I asked.

'Well... you should have a opinion,' he looked at me.

'In a country of 400 million I get to choose only 2 views? Isn't that a bit sad?' I asked, 'And seriously why do I care who comes in power? It is just by choosing between the two evil I have to do right?'

'No wonder people call you crazy...' he replied, 'We are a democratic country and you should choose one of them.'

'Lets say for a while, I admire Narendra Modi, does not mean every person he supports or rejects automatically becomes my enemy or friend does it? It is simply like I like vanilla ice cream, which goes in nicely with chocolate sauce, but does that mean I should have chocolate sauce on it?'

'You are a strange person,' you know that, he replied, finally leaving me in peace.

I simply resumed writing my note, which was lying dormant for a while. Simply said, the world is as confused as I am about choosing the brown or black band on the maroon dress.

True story.

CIDITS..CID IDIOTS

(copied from a blog..but it's WROTH READING haha :))

Starring : ACP Pradyumn, Daya and Abhijeet in and as CID-iots (CID + 3 Idiots)

Supporting Cast : Fredericks, Dr. Salunkhe, Vivek, Chatur, Virus aka Viru Sahastrabuddhe, etc

Script : Unknown FB guy

Music : talks on with Anu Malik and Preetam. We'll finalise the one who can give us the most 'inspired' music at the cheapest rates.

Director : Sony TV Wale

Producer : Good For Nothin....

And, here goes the script...

* * * * * * * * * *   CID-iots  Script   -   First   Draft   * * * * * * * * * *

After Rancho suddenly disappears from ICE, Raju and Farhan Decide to call the world famous CID.

ACP Pradyumn : OHH MY GODD !!! Rancho Gayab hai !! Abhijeet, Daya... Campus ko achhi tarah se CHECK KARO !! Woh zaroor koi na koi suraag chhod gaya hoga !! (Shaking his finger)

After searching the campus like a pair of buffoons, Abhijeet and Daya find out that Joy had committed suicide 4 years ago in the campus...

Abhijeet: Sir, Maamla gadbad hai...Yaha kisi Joy Lobo naam ke student ne aatma-hatya ki thi... 4 saal pehle... Lagta hai woh aatma-hatya nahi, khoon tha... Aur shayad khooni yeh Rancho hi hoga !!!

ACP: OHH MY GODD !!! Abhijeet, Daya... Ek kaam karo... Ye Joy ki kabar khod ke uski laash bahar nikaalo... Aur usey Forensic Lab mein leke aao... Dr. Salunkhe zaroor koi naa koi baat ugalva lenge is murde aadmi se !!

Fredericks does all the digging and brings out the dead body of Joy...

And the next scene is of the Forensic Lab...

Dr. Salunkhe: ACP, bahut jaldi laash le aaye tum... Is se kuch bulvaana mushkil hoga... Lekin tum tension mat lo... Tum Dr. Salunkhe ki lab se khaali haath wapas nahi jaaoge... Koi naa koi raaz to pata chal hi jayega...

After playing with some colour changing liquids...

Dr. Salunkhe: BOSS... Tum ne kaha is ki maut suicide se hui hai... Main kehta hoon is ka khoon hua hai !!

ACP: Salunkhe !!! Ye mazaak ka waqt nahi hai !!... Ye kaise ho sakta hai??

Salunkhe: BOSS... Sab kuch mumkin hai !! Ye dekho...

(shows him his star-trek type computer and does some really fast typing)

ACP: OHH MY GODD !! (still shaking his finger).... To phir yeh baat humein kisi ne batayi kyun nahi??? Ek kaam karo... Uss principal ko yahaan leke aao Bureau mein... Ab kya sach hai, wohi humein batayega !!

Virus is brought to the Bureau...

Virus: Sssir, mujhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai... Maine kuch nahi kiya...

Abhijeet: Sach sach batao... Us raat campus mein kya hua tha???

Virus: Ssssir, main sssach bol raha hoon... Mujhe kuch nahi pata hai??

Daya takes over and gives him a dose of his special world famous CHAMAAAT !!!

Daya: Ab yaad aaya kuch???

Virus: Haan Sir, sab yaad aa gaya... Batata hoon... Sab batata hoon !

Fredericks: (constipated look) Sir... Daya sir ke chamaat me toh jaadu hai... Is ka 'sssss' karna band ho gaya...

ACP: Fredericks... Chup raho !!

Virus: Uss raat sab logo ne  Party ki thi.... Sab log apni underwear mein campus mein ghoom rahe the.... Main bhi tha... Lekin mere saath koi flirt hi nahi kar raha tha... Isliye main bahut gusse mein tha... Phir Joy aaya aur usne mujhe uska helicopter dikhaya... Maine us ka helicopter dust bin mein fek diya.. To wo rote-rote apne room mein chala gaya... Aur next din hum ne dekha to uska murder ho gaya tha... Lekin aap please ye baat kisi se boliye mat... College ki badnaami ho jayegi...

ACP: Hum kisi ko nahi batayenge... Tum humare saath co-operate karo...

Virus leaves...

ACP: Yahaan kuch to gadbad hai Daya.... Aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki campus mein khoon ho gaya aur kisi ne CID ko bulaya hi nahi?? Apna publicity ka kharcha badha do....

Abhijeet: Sir, ye college mein padhe-likhe log hain... Shayad in logo ko pata hai ki pehle Police ko bulaana chahiye, CID ko nahi !!

ACP: Aur ye kaise hua ki khooni campus mein aa gaya.... Aur campus se khoon kar ke nikal bhi gaya??

Vivek : Sir, shayad ye bhi ho sakta hai ki khooni koi student hi ho?

ACP: Haan Vivek... Kuchh bhi ho sakta hai... Kuchh bhi... (shaking his finger)... Ek kaam karo Abhijeet... Phir se campus mein chalte hain... Aur achhi tarah se check karte hain... Yahaan daal mein zaroor kuchh kaala hai !!

Abhijeet: Sir, daal mein kaala nahi, poori daal mere jaisi kaali hi hai !!

They reach the campus in their old faithful Toyota Qualis which changes colour every episode... But the number plate is still the same... And Daya slams the breaks...

SCCRREEEECH !!

ACP: Abhijeet, Vivek tum poora campus CHECK KARO.... Daya ,tum is campus ke saare DARWAAZE TOD DO....!! Fredericks, tum sab logo ko tumhare jokes se entertain karo... Aur main yahaan baith ke apni ungli hilata hoon.... Chalo sab apne apne kaam pe lag jaao !!

After checking the campus...

Vivek: Sir, yahaan aaiye.... Ye dekho.... Ye ek Chatur Ramalingam naam ke ladke ki diary mili hai sir... Is mein likha hai ki wo aur Rancho ek doosre ke dushman the... Aur wo Rancho se badla lena chahta tha !!

ACP : (shaking finger...as usual)... OHH MY GODD !!! Ab ye Chatur kaun hai...?? Aur iske room se itni badbu kyun aa rahi hai...?? Good work Vivek...! Is evidence ko forensic lab le jao !

Abhijeet: Haaiinn !!! Sir, dheere dheere sab pata chal raha hai... Shayad is Chatur ne hi Joy ka khoon kiya hoga !! Aur Rancho kahaan gaya, ye bhi usey hi pata hoga !!

ACP: To bulao is Chatur ko Bureau mein... Is se hi pooch ke dekhte hain !!

Chatur in interrogation...

ACP: Rancho kahaan hai ??

Chatur : KYUN KYA HUI?? I Don't Know Sir !! Mujhe nahi pata !! Main us ke baare mein kuchh nahi jaanti....

Abhijeet: Dekho... Sach sach bataao !! Humein tumhari ye diary mili hai... Wo bhi tumhare room se... Ye diary to pehchante ho naa tum?? Is mein saaf saaf likha hai ki tumhe Rancho se jalan thi...

Chatur : (over-acting)... Ye diary meri hi hai... Mujhe nahi pata hai sir ye Rancho keedar hai !! Maine kuchh bhi nahi kiye hai... Please believe me sir... I'm innocent....

Daya gives ONE TIGHT SLAP and the chair spins...

Chatur: (crying with one hand on his cheek) Haan haan... Maine hi khoon kiya tha Joy ka... Kyunki us ne Mechanical Helicopter banaya tha project mein... Aur maine sirf paper ka rocket banaya tha.... *sob sob* Lekin phir woh Rancho aa gaye... Us ne mujhe dekh liye the... Isliye maine usko bhi gayab kar diya...

ACP: Waah... Kya plan banaya tha... Lekin afsos... Tum CID ke saamne kaamyaab nahi ho paaye... Ab banaate rehna plan... JAIL me... Tumhe to FAASI hogi FAASI !!